Catching Up

Somehow I've managed to drag it out to a solid two weeks between posts again. My dryer broke down, my good Bernina has been having problems and oh yeah, we left town to attend a very good friends funeral. Ughh. That pretty much knocked the wind out of me as she was very close to my age. Such a good person. We were friends for years starting with the fact that I happened to share the same name with her mom. Then our husbands were wild and crazy friends and somehow that brought about an introduction. We got married the same year, had kids in the same timeframe, etc. etc. So many shared life experiences. Sometimes the world is just not fair.

4-Block Tulip Medallion quilt is a true blue finish!

In the realm of quilting, which I know you're really all here for, things have been plodding along in fits and starts. Finally got the 4-Block Tulip Medallion all sorted out and finished up. Yes, the flowers in the baskets are much more 'Carolina Lily' than tulips, but the outside flowers are more tulips than lily.

Loving the plaid basket

I can't find the exact starting date to this quilt, but it was probably in the year 2019. {The top was finished up last year}. The fabrics were stacked up and waiting for love for at least two-three years before that, so yeah, it's an old project. Goes with that old fashioned vibe, right? Totally don't regret putting in the time though. I am in love with the end result. So sweet looking.

Lots of older fabrics used up in this quilt!

I could always tell that there was just too much goodness in that mix of fabrics to give it up completely--as I randomly do sometimes. It's not uncommon for there to be 10 or more stacks of fabric marinating all at once in the quilt room {sometimes 15!} and how can I possibly get the point of using every single one of them? After a long period of time with zero action taken, then I often find myself questioning the potential for ending up with something amazing. This time my reluctance to give up was a good thing.

Still happy with the graphic-look border addition

I've been especially slow this year in brand new quilt starts so I know it's probably time to throw a couple of those percolating stacks right back into the stash. Must make time to dig through them all and start second guessing how good some of those ideas are. I'm just not sure if it's the fabric stacks or the endless amounts of distractions slowing me down recently. Will look through the stacks soon and see which ones still have sufficient zing in them to continue taking up prime real-estate in the quilt room. And in my brain? No sense pondering for ideas if the fabrics aren't doing it for me anymore.

Tulips are never a bad idea

This quilt looked so good hanging out in the quilt room that I almost didn't get the binding on it right away. Such a cheerful view when I first walked in. Too bad it's not smaller or I'd definitely be putting it on the wall! I wondered about putting the year '2021' on the quilt top when finishing up last year, but I'm not unhappy with it at all. Just gives it a nice little folky touch.

Sometimes I just wanna take a nap in my quilting room

We had also had made plans to fly out to Oklahoma to visit our daughter before everything got sidetracked. Totally a bummer that isn't working out for right now. I was well on my way to getting the applique prepped on the #AHIQColor Palette challenge though, thinking it might be a good visiting project. Oh well. I probably wouldn't have gotten much done anyway, other than in the airports!

Doesn't look like much, but it's a start!

These blocks are quite large and so I kept raiding the newspaper basket for templates. At some point my husband noticed and offered up a roll of protective sheeting he occasionally uses in his construction business. Umm, really? This could be a mistake when he can't find the roll where it belongs in the garage! It's a super nice product though and worked really well for my purposes. Who knew?

These flowers will NOT be brown

One of the highlights of the past two weeks was this package that arrived in the mail one day. Terry from California sent me oodles of perle cotton #8 and #12 for use in my quilting. Some partially used and lots of them brand new. Apparently she has moved on to using another thread and offered these up if I was interested. Uh huh. VERY interested! I'm telling you, it was like Christmas, I was feeling so enthused. Just couldn't quit smiling that day! Thank you Terry, you are the best!!

Quilters are so generous!

A while back one of my nieces posted a pic on Instagram of her new decor in the hallway of their new-to-them little house. I'd always sort of worried that this quilt might be a bit 'too yellow' for gifting, but this just made my heart sigh with pleasure. Now I want a sunny quilt hanging in my hallway too!

This is one of the reasons why I gift quilts to 
the right people. She did not do this for me!

There's currently two quilts with the binding machine stitched down and ready for the hand stitching effort. One of them will be gifted fairly quickly after finishing up, but there's no rush at the moment. I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of doing another set of quilt meetings at our church, starting in January 2023. It feels like a ton of extra work, but I always come back to the camaraderie involved. That part is fairly irresistible. I'll probably try to find out what the level of interest is before I wade in too far.

Getting closer and closer to the finish line!

My daughter almost talked me into making a spur of the moment baby quilt in the last couple weeks and thankfully I resisted. After working on the beginnings of the #AHIQColorPalette quilt and dreaming up all the applique motifs, it dawned on me that this is what I need most right now. Something new and challenging, open-ended and bright with possibilities. Nothing made to order or any pressure to please. Crossing my fingers for enough time to get something interesting going!

The Latest Cozy Quilt Finish

 The Patchwork Garden quilt is totally finished up, binding and label on and already gifted! I stalled some on getting the binding on just because there were other projects that seemed more interesting at the moment.

Patchwork Garden is a true-blue finish!

It has such a soft, cozy feel to it, I just love it! Why didn't I make one of these years ago? All the background fabrics have white, light gray, light blue, light green or very light purple tones. I've been stocking up on them for years and finally found a place to experiment. Ooh la la. So much fun!

I had to add the flower and leaf just because...

Now my stash is depleted and of course I want more. Isn't that always the way it works? The blue striped basket fabric is from a cut-up button down shirt. Just couldn't resist trying to see if it would work in a quilt. It's funny how I can't get rid of shirts anymore without wondering if the fabric could be upcycled rather than dumped at the 2nd hand stores!

Love the little birdie perched on the basket

I wasn't sure about using the dark blue fabrics for the baskets, but they just spoke to me somehow. I couldn't be happier with how the flower and leaf baskets turned out! The teensiest bit of elegance added to a quilt in an unexpected place. Just makes my heart sing.

Such a dramatic flower basket

All the hand quilted was kept simple as per usual around here. Lots of straight lines and 'x' markings through the nine patches. More and more I'm stitching on the inside of the applique shapes rather than just to the outside like I used to. I really like the look of the stitches over the top. The texture is so yummy. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever go back to regular hand quilting thread. Is there ever going to be a quilt where I think, 'No, Perle Cotton thread is just gonna be too much!' Ha! Somehow I doubt it!

Lots of hand quilting stitches

My favorite basket is probably the one on the bottom right corner. There's just something extra sweet about flowers that drape and fall gracefully from a basket. And that text fabric in the border. Still not tired of seeing words and text in some of my quilts!

Colors are so much better in person

Can you tell that I love baskets and flowers? This was a pattern that I should have made years ago and just kept putting it off. The interesting thing is that years ago when first buying the pattern, I'm sure I would have stuck more closely to the original makers color scheme. Nowadays, I always want to experiment and play with a new color palette, always pushing the boundaries a bit on what I'm truly comfortable with.

Made from the 'Patchwork Garden' pattern'
by Jan Patek

This was a quilt that always seemed like it was destined to go to my next youngest sister {once I got the quilt top together}. So that's what I did after getting it washed up and ready for gifting--took it right to her house. So pleased to see the picture she posted, with it already being used on her bed! It's been a rough couple years for so many of us in various ways. Why not try and make our private space a little bit happier?

Looks so cozy and inviting!

And my daughter sent me a picture of their guest room all ready for the guests they were having. I admit to having a very, tiny bit of regret in giving this one away. Isn't it fabulous to see our quilts being used and loved by their recipients though? There's just no way I could possibly use all of the quilts that get finished around here. So much better to see them being appreciated and loved than developing permanent creases from being left folded in unused stacks.

Still working on their guest room, but I 
love the look of a good quilt on a bed...

And though I've been plugging along with the baby quilt and trying to bring it to a close, these crossroad blocks have been nagging at me. It felt really good to get the circles cut into quarters and then re-stitched with the sashing strips. On another day I sewed all the 20 1/2" background squares together. Most of the fabric I use is from fatquarters etc., so piecemeal it was, getting a large enough square.

Crossroads blocks in progress

In and around our rainy fall days, we've been having the occasional gorgeous sunny day. I've been trying to make the most of that and finally getting around to cleaning up my flower pots and the little garden my daughter left behind. We'll probably be turning the garden area back into lawn and moving it farther away from the house next year. The more grandchildren we get, the more it seems obvious that it's time to replant our lawn and get some designated area for the grands to play. Just getting our front porch cleared off this summer and having it actually stay that way has been enormously uplifting to both my husband and me. We have a long ways to go, but lots of plans for slowly working on some problem areas in and around our house. We'll see what happens. Nothing ever moves quickly around here!

Finished and Gifted!

In spite of my initial ambivalence towards this quilt, I was very happy to be gifting it today. Tomorrow is my oldest brother and his wife's 25th anniversary, something that I love being able to celebrate with them. 

Straight & Narrow is a finish!

This was a very fast finish for me, only just started in October of this year! Normally I would just dig through the completed quilt top drawers to find something suitable for gifting, but in this instance, I wanted something a bit more 'formal' or even 'modern' looking in terms of design. Not for the fabrics and color though. Oh no. That was the conundrum. I wanted something that was obviously toned down and perhaps mellow looking {not eye catching at all}, but of course, at the same time,  it simply had to exude that cozy feeling I'm always trying to instill directly into my quilts. Agghhh! Quilting can be so hard.....

Looking across the quilt

I finally narrowed it down to this muted color scheme of tan, creams and country blues and then of course, ended up thinking it looked so plebeian and  boring. I second guessed myself a half dozen times and had all that wonderful angst that ends up making me insist I'll never, never, in a million years make a quilt specifically for someone ever, ever again! Adding the darker fabric with the golds and orangey-red crosses definitely helped perk it all up and bring a level of interest back to the quilt. Totally helped reestablish my equilibrium.*sigh  Why do we do this to ourselves?

Outside in the frosty winter air...

I was mostly following a pattern {Quilt Sampler Fall & Winter 2013 magazine} which makes it even more incredible to see it actually finished. Following patterns is like falling into a coma for me. My entire brain just wants to shut off. But once again, I proved to myself that it's good to trust our instincts. That gut level that prompts up to continue on even while the rest of our being is trying to enact a full on resistance. But, but, but... can't I just add a little bit of excitement? Change things up for more energy and 'first look' impact? hehe   This may not be the most exciting quilt I've ever completed, it did exactly what I was hoping it would do. It looks exactly like what I WANTED, NEEDED and EXPECTED. And that's important to be able to execute and see come to fruition.

And in terrible lighting in the stairwell!

I had some struggles with the machine quilting, having to deal with some drag on the fabrics at the connecting seams. Finally I realized that if I just stitched in-the-ditch down the length of the darker strip of fabric first, then that would take care of the bulk of my problems there. And of course I came back and hand quilted in that darker area with the applique, both inside the crosses and also along the lighter blue stripes. That is most definitely my favorite part of the entire quilt, seeing that lovely texture come into play.

A closer look at the hand quilting....

Overall, I was impressed and amazed to see the quilt start coming together in such a good way that I was feeling happy about the end result. Truly, it was a good challenge. Didn't hurt me at all! On another note, the binding fabric ended up being an easy pick. I just went with a burnt orange 'feather' fabric that added a nice bit of color to the edges of the quilt. My brother has an eclectic interest in chickens and ducks {manifested into a barnyard full} and so including the feather prints just added an important bit of personality. He'll notice the feathers even if nobody else does! And yay! for me, getting some of those oldy fabric used up and out of the stash bins. That's always a win to see them used up and hopefully well appreciated.

The Obvious Dilemma of a Prolific Quilter

I finally got my sewing machine back from the maintenance/repair place and wow have I been antsy to get something ready to stitch on! So yesterday saw me sandwiching and pinning two quilt tops--one for machine quilting and the other for hand quilting. Later in the day I actually started machine quilting the Random Sampler quilt and it got me thinking. Uh oh... Get ready for a long post....

Random Sampler quilt--getting ready for machine quilting!

Why do I always have to have this mental discussion with myself: Am I giving this quilt away? Should I? Who to then? Then if I decide to keep it, why is there {on occasion} this guilty little feeling of possession or even greediness? And yesterday I thought to myself, 'This stops now!'

Julie's recent post and the subsequent comments really brought all this into sharp relief. First of all, if you read her blog, you'll instantly get that Julie is a giver. Some of us give quilts away and some don't. She does. Whether she gives of {what she determines to be} her very best, shouldn't really matter because hello? She always does excellent work. So good for her, coming up with a good plan of attack for how to gift in the future.

And then I thought about another recent post that resonated greatly with me. Debbie talked about when someone determines that one of our quilts has greater value or is better than another one we've made. They can't possibly know 'what lies within' like we do. That can really smart if we have a deep fondness for the one they've ultimately declared less than. I love how she further writes in the post, '.... acknowledge that what we do and what we have is something pretty special.' 

Eagle quilt--finally about to be in the hoop....

Basically, we need to just let people see what they are going to see, but know within ourselves the gift of our own creativity. It's a great post! So back to my original point--whether we give away our quilts or not is absolutely nobodies business but ours. And circling around to Debbie's thoughts and applying them to 'gifting', whatever quilt we give should be deemed good enough and special enough without having to go through these stupid mental gymnastics. We don't do shoddy work my friends! Let's try and put this into perspective. 

I started in with my love of quilting some 20 plus years ago. My skills were extremely questionable in a myriad of ways and I positively wince at some of those efforts! That didn't stop me from lovingly creating {and gifting} anything from baby quilts to what I considered to be great lap-sized quilts--all to people who I knew would appreciate the love. Here! Have this awesome quilt I made you! And as happens with many of us, my love of the  hobby {and more emphatically, my love for the process] grew to a time when yes, I do have quilts stacking up all over my house. There are some amazing quilts and not-so-amazing quilts sitting in those stacks but all are special as they have been part of my wonderfully creative journey. I have reached that pinnacle in time when I always, always wonder if the next quilt will be given away. If it should or could be. What an incredible place to be in. But that's where I think I have recently stumbled and desperately need to reassess. 

This is my love and my hobby. It's perfectly okay if I choose to keep every single quilt made for the rest of my, hopefully, long lived life. Okay, I know--definitely not going to keep them all, because I looooooove giving quilts away. That being said, new parameters probably need to be determined so as to get rid of this creeping feeling of obligation. Prolific quilt-making does indeed have some consequences, thus the gifting. However, it never feels good to give special things to persons who won't appreciate the effort involved. Hmm... 

I'm going to start by recalling a moment when my husband walked in the house with a brand new baby quilt 23 years ago. He went out on a construction job one day, as was usual, and when the elderly woman of the house found out that he had a 1 month baby boy? She immediately went to her stacks of completed baby quilts and gave him one as a gift. She loved to make and also, she loved to give, even to the construction guy who was working at her home for maybe a total of a week. Was I arrogant enough to think that particular quilt was her very best work ever? No. Did I care? Absolutely not. Happy dance everyone! We got a new quilt!! It was an awesome moment. 

Another moment in time that settled deep into my consciousness was when the 2014 fire burned through our community. We stuffed as many quilts {and other important things} as could possibly be carried into our suburban and then drove away from our house. KNOWING that our house was going to burn down and there was nothing to be done. In a very surprising and miraculous turnabout, our house did not burn, but alas, many others did. Will anyone ever know exactly how many quilts burned just from my mom and sisters possessions burning? At one point we guessed well over 40 that they had been fully completed--they were very prolific quilters so maybe even more than that. Plus they had been peronally gifted quilts--I counted 4 quilts burnt just made by me! But the greater point was this: although my sister had gifted many of her quilts, my mom had not. Only one or two people in the entire huge family have one of her quilts!! That hurts so much.

So you see, maybe it's okay to sometimes gift quilts that perhaps we feel aren't our perfect work. Would I even care what the quilt looked like if I could just have ONE of my moms quilts? After that experience I started occasionally gifting an older, gently used quilt depending on the recipient. We give for all sorts of reasons. Why do we have this perception that only newly finished quilts are acceptable for giving? That it has to be tailor-made for someone in specific? That it has to be super-duper special or our intent is somehow suspect. 

I think it all boils down to the recipient and the reasons we're currently wanting to gift. We have to keep in mind that our creativity really is a special thing--from the least {in our minds} to the greatest of our efforts. Finding a way to share that creativity is a gift to ourselves--letting it go into the world-- as well as to the recipient of that physical thing--a  warm, cozy quilt. A close, personal friend or beloved family member is probably a better bet to gift the bazillion hours of hand work sort of quilt to, not the construction guy with the new baby. Just saying! And we all have those relatives and friends who wouldn't recognize a fantastically implemented quilt from a Thimbleberries knock-off. You know exactly who I'm talking about. That doesn't mean they won't positively adore having a quilt made by yours truly. So be it. 

From now on, the plan is this: I'm gleefully keeping all the quilts that I really don't want to get rid of just yet . Who cares exactly why they might tug on my heartstrings at the moment! That is totally beside the point. These are going to decorate my couches, snuggle with my kids while they're watching a movie, hang off my bed at nights and warm my nieces and nephews when they visit. When I finish the next ten quilts in line, which of course will be amazingly better than the ten before, then I'll slowly find the right recipient for the quilts I've grown tired of or feel less of an attachment to now the new, improved ones are currently staring me in the face. {That doesn't mean they are suddenly undesirable to everyone else, duh!! It's just part of the journey!!} And when a brand new finish wants to go live with someone else, of course I'll work with that. But it's not going to be all about someone else--all of the time. I vow to enjoy this creative outlet I've been blessed with and not wallow in guilt for when and why and how I decide to give away the results.*whew! Glad that's all settled. So exhausting to try and analyze all the quirky thought processes we go through...

If you're still reading along, thank you for your patience! I've got a simple giveaway for one lucky, but loyal reader.

A giveaway

Simply Moderne sent me two magazines by mistake this month {my last issue, boohoo!} and it's a great one. Really, Sujata Shah and Rachael Daisy both! Just leave a comment telling me your thoughts on why and how you gift quilts and/or if you even do. Maybe you plan to gift more in the future or keep them all till you die and let the kids sell them at the estate sale. Whatever! I'll randomly choose a winner sometime next week!

The Pinwheel Quilt Can Be Marked Off the List

Okay, here it is. A true blue finish! Binding completed and even the label attached. It turned out better than I expected, actually made one of my daughters give the frowny face when I said it was being gifted. 'Mom... why are you giving this one away?'

Playful Pinwheels
Such an original name.....

Because I can and it makes me happy? I offered to save it back for her if she'd rather have the Pinwheel quilt rather than another one. Hmm... On second thought, She'd prefer a different quilt. Unless she could have both?

This one is machine quilted in a green Aurofil thread in between every pinwheel block and throughout the border. Then I came back and big stitched with various colors of #8 perle cotton in the pinwheels. I worked on it a lot during the time we were on level one evacuation and I was trying not to chew off every finger nail from stress and worry.

Looking at a finish!

I didn't mark anything, just lined it up or eyeballed things. {Well, except for the very beginnings of each spiral. I admit to marking the first little bit.} It's a bit rough in places, but I'm pretty happy with it overall. I expect it will get a lot of use, so the machine quilting will help hold it together for a very long time. Being asked to fix quilts is not my idea of a good time.

A scrappy border

Now that it's done, I can see that it does have a bit of charm. Maybe a tiny little bit! Still not my favorite quilt, but I am definitely not ashamed to call it my own. Or gift it. {Please, go snuggle up with this quilt and be happy.} Can quilts actually bring about happiness? I like to think so, if only for a short amount of time.

Closer look at the stitching

Did you want to see the back? I always buy discounted fabric for the backings and just sort of throw them together. This one isn't fabulous, but it does the job and the colors work very well with the front of the quilt--plus, plus.

'Cuz I know you want to see the back

Every time I finish quilting with a mix of both machine and hand quilting, I tell myself this needs to happen more often. It's super fast and looks perfectly acceptable for some quilts. Now I just need to convince myself to DO it...

Making Pickle Dish Progress!

Life has been pretty crazy the last several days, but I did find time to finish up my four piece melon units on my Pickle Dish. There are twelve in all as you can see from my little stack of folded goodness in the back.

Getting the units sorted out for sewing the rows

The next step was making sure I had the units together in the proper order {and orientation}. Then I sewed the rows together right at the connecting red and black squares. I did that part on my sewing machine. No reason to waste time hand sewing if I don't need to!

Starting to sew the individual rows together

It's pretty cramped in my quilt room for this kind of work, but we still have company in our home. It always seems so obnoxious to run up and down the stairs and/or take up the living room floor during those times. I may be a big talker about my quilting here, but in my home I usually try to keep it more discreet. I really don't want to run the risk of paralyzing someone with boredom. Plus, I have this tendency to drop pins in my wake. My family is fairly accustomed to watching out for pin bombs, but I worry about my poor naive company.*wink

So.. after the single rows were sewn together, then I sewed row 1 and row 2 together at the connecting squares. Not sure if you can tell where the hole in the row is, as the carpet is blue as well! That's where I had to slip in another background square underneath the rows.

Row 1 and Row 2 sewn together & ready for background squares

Which I did. Then I smoothed it out as best I could and started pinning it very well. This is the part that I will applique, just like in the four pc. melon sets. It all seems very hairy scary to me at first, but after it's started, I sort of ease into it and relax. There are two of these empty spaces  to put background squares into for each new set. After I pinned the two background squares for the {row 1, row 2} set then I did the same thing to the {row 3, row 4} set.

Pin, pin, pinning...

Does this seem confusing? 'Cuz it's really not. Just step by step and I will eventually get the quilt completed sewn together! I feel like Thomas the Train--Yes I can, Yes I can, Yes I can! lol  

Here are the two halves of my quilt ready to start the applique work. As soon as I get this part sewn together, then I will connect both larger pieces at the correct red and black squares, slip in two more background squares etc. etc. and then move on to work on the outsides of the rows. Whew! I've been working {off and} on this quilt for over two years now. So exciting to get this far!

Ready, set, go! All ready for the applique!

Also, my gift quilt is all finished up except for a label! I honestly think I like the back more than the front, but that's probably just a symptom of my feeling out of touch with the entire style of quilt. I really am not worried about giving it anymore, just glad that it's done and that I have nothing to be embarrassed about!

The gift quilt

I was too busy to make it over to my mom's yesterday, but she said she got another five or six envelopes/packages! I think we'll wait until she gets the mail today and then I'll try for another picture or two. I'm sure you're just as curious about her happy mail as I am!

A Gift Quilt

Do you ever feel the need to just finish something? This quilt top has been nagging at me for quite awhile now. Work on me! Work on me! The summer is over already--unbelievable! Which means that it's getting close to the time that I wanted to be able to gift this quilt to a friend.

The wildlife gift quilt (made from a friends quilt blocks)

Yesterday I sandwich and pinned. And today it's time for a little of that machine quilting that I love to hate. I'm using some tan thread from Connecting Threads that I've been wanting to try. It's not Aurifil, but so far it's working really well.

Looking at in on the floor

Machine quilting is not something I'm particularly good at, so my mantra is KISS {keep it simple stupid}. The cowardly part of me wants to figure out an excuse to hand quilt the insides of the blocks, but I'm refusing to listen for once. It's a quilt that will likely get a lot of use, especially snuggle time on the couch--extra stitching won't make the recipient like it any more or any less. I'll just do my best and try to give it with a smile.

A Different Kind of Quilt

For some of us, not everything we make is going to be fabulous. And that's okay. I love it when I'm working on something that feels fresh and new--so exciting and rewarding on a personal level! But then there are times that my mission is different, such as with this quilt. 

6 out of 12 blocks with coping strips added

I'm not a quilter that likes to make quilts for other people if there are strings attached, colors chosen and special patterns required. It makes me feel tired and cranky, maybe even bored with the process. Now, if it's entirely my idea to be doing the making and/or giving? I can absolutely (and cheerfully) work within a much more narrow range of elements than I'd normally be comfortable with.

Working on the other 6 blocks

And why not? It actually becomes a challenge of sorts, which is the first step to pulling me in. How much of my old stash can I dig up and incorporate into this quilt? Woohoo! That's always a bonus. Is there any way to make people notice the quilt first, bears/deer & wolves second? lol I can only try. Can I make something that will be warm, cozy and inviting enough to curl up on a couch with? That would be success.*wink

Squaring the blocks up

Sewing with a stack of blocks made from other quilters is also a big challenge because the finished sizes are all over the place. One of the easiest ways to deal with that is to add a coping strip onto each block. {A large one.} And then cut them all down to size. I usually clear the ironing board etc. off of my large cutting mat. Much easier to mark my reference points and get to squaring things up. In this quilt, the finished size of my blocks with added coping strips will be 16". I like even numbers. So much easier to work with for a pieced sashing.

Cutting the green fabric into strips for sashing

Which will be made out of alternating green and red strips of fabric--kind of a string quilt look. Haven't got the red strips cut out yet, but that will come soon enough. One little thing at a time in these crazy, chaotic days of mine!