Trying to Find My Way Forward

My summer quilting sort of went off the tracks with me having to fit the odd moment of quilting into whatever empty second I found.  Imagine my surprise when the Flocks of Geese quilt managed to get made into a top, in spite of the fact that I was supposed to be packing for the trip and doing stacks of bookwork.

Flock of Geese quilt top finished

Believe it or not, I had agonized over putting the blocks together with the flat brown. Most people would have went light or busy. But not me. Oh no. I didn't feel like I had the luxury of time to weight all the pros and cons and I desperately wanted to be quilting. So I went with my gut. Just started in with the cutting and sewing and then ended up with this. It felt very 'bleh' and I was truly disappointed. You really have no idea. My triumphant little blue birds had lost their special little spark and it felt like a betrayal of sorts. Like I had let them down, all the way into obscurity.

Not as wonderful as I had imagined.....

Then we left on our trip. Ah, my routine of quiltiness--where art thou? We wandered in and out of peoples homes for the next couple weeks and when I saw a quilt I would always perk up. Can we talk quilts? Please say yes! And over and over again I discovered that I am much too much into quilting. I have hours of quilty talk bubbling up inside me that starts to feel kind of obsessive when the other party has quietly moved the conversation onto other polite topics.*sigh  Other than my quick trips into quilt stores and fabric love, I started feeling a bit disconnected with the whole process. A bit mad in my head if you know what I mean.

Red & Green applique blocks with the Basket Galore Bom blocks

So lovely to get home and reacquaint myself with the quilting room. Except that I felt oddly nervous and unsure of myself. What were these strange quilt projects cluttering up my quilt room all about? Too, I had company in my home while I was gone and one day in total boredom (apparently) they decided to iron some of my fabric. And fold it very precisely and very neatly into stacks. Ack! My quilt room didn't feel completely right anymore. Somewhere along the way, I seem to have gotten a bit lost.

I made quick little trips in and out but other than some hand quilting late in the evening I didn't do any quilting for several days. I was starting to wonder if my 'passionate' interest in quilting had maybe burned up with the fire when it came to actual implementation.

Playing with some border fabrics

Then, on Friday afternoon, I finally got a grip on myself (it probably helped that the laundry was done and out of my face). I decided to start small--with my red and green applique blocks--putting them on the wall next to the sampler baskets. Ahhhh... I could literally feel my shoulders lose some of their tension when I saw them all nestled together on the wall so sweetly. YES. Even though I had hurriedly thrown the idea together, it was exactly what I had hoped would happen. I played around with border ideas for a bit and then moved on to another project.

To my partial St. Paul blocks. Such a troublesome project. I love the blocks and I hate them. I love the rich colors of my quilt top and yet I don't. Where is the energy? I have had it in my mind for months now to put a 5" tumbler block border around the outside and still, I question how it should all go together. And no, it's not finished the way it is. Even though I rarely finish a quilt sans borders, I have and I will, if it truly feels finished without. This one obviously just needs more time to simmer.

Trying to figure out a border solution for the Partial St. Paul quilt

I played with some fabric stacks piled around the quilt room and pulled some new fabrics into the mix, put some away. Piddled my way through several projects, ideas and what-ifs. Eventually I could feel myself slowly settling into the familiar 'I am a quilter' zone. I knew for sure when I pulled out my cactus basket blocks and started looking at the current progress.

The entire quilt just looked wrong to me. Much too forced, out of sync and kind of flat if you want to know the truth of it. After playing with lots of different layouts and looking at several border possibilities, I found myself sitting back and grumbling under my breath in disgust. Such great little basket blocks and everything made them look terrible together. Puh-leeze. I so do not want to end up with 13 throw pillows instead of a quilt! But suddenly I had a crazy, scary thought. What I if put them together in a asymmetrical layout? Emphasized the difference between the very light and that stupid black I thought was such a great idea back in July? Hmm hmm, maybe.....

I'm starting to think this quilt is going to be very different. It might even turn into my 'surviving the fire' quilt and who cares what anybody else thinks about the end result! I have ideas people, IDEAS! churning in my wacky, obsessively, quilty brain and let me tell you it feels amazing. Whew! Such a relief to have a glimmer of creativity creeping back in again.

Don't think this will be the layout for the Cactus Basket blocks

Ahh... quilting. What would we do without it? Later that evening, once again immersed in my hand quilting, I thought about my Flocks of Geese quilt. Was it really ruined forever or could it possibly be rescued? Stitch after stitch I contemplated what had went wrong with my brilliant quilt idea. And quietly, it came to me. In the chaos of my summer I had completely forgotten. All along, the plan was for that particular quilt to have lots and lots of Perle cotton stitching in the calm, 'boring' areas of the quilt. I was intending to use lots of thread color and those wonderful chunky stitches to give the quilt texture. Another layer of interest and a beautiful backdrop for my sweet little bluebirds.

So there you have it. It may or may not turn out to be as wonderful as I imagine in my mind, but I feel so much better about the entire matter. Flocks of Geese was just one {of many} of the quilts that I was feeling an odd disconnect to. But now I feel a bit more confident that I can find my way back. As long as I don't lose my hand quilting hoop, that is.*wink